Week 11 of life as the real me was largely overshadowed by sickness:
- Monday – I got to work and found a new neighbour called Nuala sitting at the desk next to me, which up to now has been a hot-desk. She is really nice, very down-to-earth, and lovely to talk to… so as I am a little chatterbox we had quite a chat; she said my dress (a new navy shift dress which I wore with a lacy cream camisole showing in the neckline) was nice. A bit later, on the way to the kitchen Breda was approaching and gave me an “Ooh, look at you” expression, and then said “pretty girl” with a big, kind smile; that REALLY gave me a boost… after the incident last Friday with my boss. I said ‘hi’ to Fiona who also complimented me on my attire – “That is such a nice dress, very professional”. With all those compliments, I had a pretty good day, and had obviously dresses quite well; my boss was not in as well, which helped, as I could just get on with what I was supposed to…. and was not intimidated which is a strong feeling I have with him.
- Tuesday was when all the health-news came in a rush, not my health but that of other people. Firstly I sent my ex- a general email to see how things with my daughter, whether she had had a good Easter, and so on… and the reply I received typically answered virtually none of those things but simply said “She’s at home sick. Ring her if you want”… and so that is what I did. Daughter picked up the phone sounding all weak and teary-eyed – I checked that it was okay for me to call her, which it was, then asked what was up. Monday she had started with tummy ache and vomiting, then Tuesday the tummy ache remained but she also had chest pains that made it painful to breath; this did not sound good, and she had never had that before, but I carried on talking lightly to her and it seemed to take her mind off it and she did seem to perk up a little. A half hour later I had a phone call from my boss informing me that his father had cancer and had taken a turn for the worst, and so he would not be in for some time… and even though my PM had given me this news in summary an hour earlier I could not help myself but get a little tearful about it all, and I said how sorry I was to hear his news. Early afternoon I had a little chat with the security guard, and asked him how his weekend had been… and it turned out that his nephew had died, at age 27, and the funeral was the next day, so unsurprisingly he was a little subdued, so I sympathised with him. By 4.00 my daughter was in A&E, and half an hour later I left work; two hours later I was in Lisburn, having done some shopping, and received a text from my ex- saying that X-rays and blood tests has been taken, and were all clear… but that morphine had been administered, which had had no effect, so the surgical team were to examine her. As you can imagine, I was not in the bubbliest of moods for meeting my BFF Kirsty; we ate at Ed’s bar and grill, and the good, friendly chat took my mind off my daughter… as did the worry over what the chocolate sundae would do to my waistline, as I had already failed to lose two and a half pounds of weight having eaten an Easter egg and a slab of simnel cake over Easter weekend. By the time we left, my daughter had been told to stay in hospital overnight for observations… and so I began to worry.
- Wednesday – on the way to the railway station I was asked to drop my daughter’s favourite teddy (‘Bernie’, who is also an undercover spy) and Minnie Mouse slippers at my ex’s house (despite previous requests not to drive up to the house in daylight) and so that is what I did; I have no idea if any neighbours or my ex- saw me. During the day my daughter’s condition was unchanged, and more blood tests and ECGs were being done to try and figure out what was wrong. Later I had a nice wee chat with Liesa, who said I looked pretty. Aw! In the evening I had a text conversation with my daughter over her continued hospital stay, and at the end she said “I love you too” 🙂
- Thursday – several people were kind enough to ask about my daughter’s health; Liesa was really so nice, and is a fab listener. Later I had a chat with Natalie, who was concerned about my daughter… and then told me about her tennis partner who had had a heart attack! In the afternoon I had a chat with HR about my boss mis-gendering me a number of times, and also health appointments… where the possibility of me eventually having to take some annual or unpaid leave was briefly suggested, something I think is grossly unfair considering that gender dysphoria is a medical condition which has resulted in me undergoing a huge life-change, I am going purely for medical appointments which are intended at various levels to get me to a more comfortable place, and also all the unpaid overtime I have done at my company. I got a reasonably early train, I thought I would have to stand it was so busy, but as I neared a fairly elderly guy his wife got to him, said she had found a two-seater for the two of them, so he got up and said to me “there you are, dear”. As the train left Dundalk I went to the loos, changed into walking gear which I had carried in my girlie rucksack to work, and at Newry legged it to my car and hurtled to my walking group meet at Crawfordsburn Park to the east of Belfast; the traffic was a nightmare, even at after 6.30pm, so I got there a few minutes late but thankfully they had not set off. The walk was lovely, if a bit chilly on the hands. I had a long chat with a guy called John, who is a sound engineer for the BBC, about all kinds of things. We stopped for a little while as our walking guide pointed out wild garlic growing, which we took turns smelling leaves of; Alan, the elderly guy who has a soft spot for me (as per numerous previous posts on my blog), picked a bunch and somewhat clumsily thrust them in my face! Then my chat turned to a couple of ladies, Sheelan and Nuala, and quite some time later when they found out I had been living in Northern Ireland for 16 years Nuala said “I think she’ll be here for good” (she being moi, of course). John caught up with me again, and almost ambushed me from Nuala for more conversation, which was all pleasant enough… although halfway back to the car park he farted! Bleah! (He did apologise though). Back at our cars I am sure John wanted to prolong the evening, but nobody else was up for a cup of tea, and could not think where to get one from at that time of night anyway, and so we all parted and went home.
- Friday was the day of my second speech therapy session… and gee was it exhausting. It was all good, and very interesting, but I did quite a wealth of exercises and tests, and by the end of it all I was mentally and physically (aching throat) really rather tired. I told them about my parents coming over, and how excited but also anxious I was. She was very complimentary about much of what I have done… and of course speech is not just about the verbals, but also about how one physically expresses oneself, and even presents; I was wearing a smart cream blouse from H&M with black smart trousers, and she said I looked very classy! 🙂 I don’t mean to sound big-headed, but maybe others of you in my position will realise how wonderful it is to receive such positive affirmations from biological women. I left the session with a number of exercises to do to try and help my voice… some of which involve blowing bubbles in a cup of water!! The afternoon was a mixture of work emailing, calls, and trying to sort out my new name at various bank branches – one was straight-forward, one I did not have enough ID, and one was mildly upsetting in that the more senior staff member who was helping the girl serving me kept referring to my driving license as “his ID” even though there is quite plainly a picture of a girl, with a girl’s name, on it. Once home, after a Tesco shop, I chased my ex- for news of my daughter and thankfully was abruptly told she had just been released; I hurriedly finished cleaning the house in preparation for the arrival of my parents to meet the new-look me…
…and I will stop there, for my next post will be to detail how my parents and I got on!