My Gender-Journey Started Gaining Momentum Sooner Than I Thought! And a warning!

I am nearly 50 years old, and that’s a good enough excuse as to why I can’t remember in fine detail every aspect of my transsexual journey as a woman. The irreversible waterfall moment when I realised exactly what was going on inside my feminine head, and the gender I really am, I still recall with clarity as happening during 2012, and I still recall my early stages of puberty where I began showing an interest in women’s clothes… but the timelines in between are a bit hazy. I had thought up until now that my feminine side only started to mushroom once my marriage ended… but a chore I carried out at home recently highlighted that this is not entirely accurate.

In an effort to tidy up my house a little and also create more space for storing clothes, I decided to empty out a drawer of stuff that had been stashed away without particular attention for many years since my marriage ended – this largely consisted of credit card receipts, that I had accumulated since that time, the perhaps irrational reasoning being that if there was any question over my lifestyle and/or purchases since my separation became legal, or over how much I spent on my daughter, then I would be able to justify it all with receipts as not being in any way lavish. Sounds so irrational I’m sure, perhaps that’s more evidence as to what an unnecessary worrier I am. Anyway, in order to avoid potential identity fraud, I carried out the arduous task of going through every receipt and saving any with full credit card numbers for subsequent shredding… and as this task continued this is where it became a little interesting for me as it confirmed that I made a small number of moderate purchases while I was still married, in 2004. Some receipts also highlight that my purchases of ladies clothes from shops (and not just eBay) began rather earlier than I had thought, for example I have a receipt from M&S from the Christmas sales at the end of December 2006 (the first Christmas after marital separation) for £256.50… and although it did include three pairs of trousers to continue the pretence of living life as male (two pairs of which were returned) the other 15 items were all ladies wear or make-up (three of which were also returned). Another discovery was that below these receipts were a number of women’s magazines (e.g. Bella) that I had kept either the full publication or had torn out pages containing articles about dresses, shoes, or other ladies clothes of the season that took my fancy at that time… and these magazines also all date back to 2004! So, while I was struggling with marriage, where I now realise that in that relationship I was exhibiting many characteristics of a typical woman rather than the man I was supposed to be, my female self was also stirring and starting to reach out… and alas as I write that, I start to feel a bit sick, because it reminds me of a time that I now really want to forget, because it was not me at all, living life as a male person… even if it did allow me to bring my beloved daughter into the world. Of course, as one might expect, few of those purchases from that large receipt now remotely fit into my now well-defined soft, girlie image… and with much weight loss in 2013 none of them fit anyway, whichever of them I still do have boxed away somewhere!

Also, a warning for you girls who are not yet living full-time and are using your credit cards with a male name on for shopping – I came across just a single credit card receipt where my full, former male name, including the title, was actually printed on the receipt!! Now this doesn’t mean that this ever happens nowadays, and in the interests of credit card anti-fraud measures I can’t imagine that it does, but it makes me wonder whether if one is using a credit card in a store if the name on the credit card could potentially come up on the till screen…?

7 thoughts on “My Gender-Journey Started Gaining Momentum Sooner Than I Thought! And a warning!

  1. Regarding the credit card thing, I had been concerned about that before I got the card in my female name, but a fellow trans* blogger assured me that she had worked extensively in retain and the shopper’s name definitely doesn’t come up on the sales assistant’s screen. Still, better safe than sorry. I wouldn’t dream of shopping as Kirsty using anything other than my Kirsty-card.

    As for the age of the receipts, it seems like you were fond of a good splurge back in your 30’s. Why am I not surprised?

    I used to fantasise as a child how I would have my own place as an adult and I could buy and store all the dresses and heels I liked and wear them all the time. With no internet at the time this fantasy was all based around Freemans and Kays catalogues. Of course it didn’t exactly work out like that, but we get where we’re meant to be in the end.

    • OMG!!! Thanks BFF, memories flooding back now of my teenage years… when I used to pour through the HUNDREDS of pages of fashions in my mum’s Kays catalogue, admiring different things that took my fancy back then… and, when someone came in unexpectedly, hurriedly but hopefully discreetly turning to the rear of the catalogue to something after the female clothes section.

  2. Ah yes Kays and Freemans indeed. Many an hour I too spent looking through the ladies sections thinking what I would love to get. At one point I got my own Freemans catalogue briefly in my teens so I could get a few items without too many questions. I was always careful to buy something innocent which would arrive in the same parcel. Easy payments too over 20 wks.

    I had been worried about giving my identity away using a Bob debit card but Kirsty (our resident banker) assured me names do not show up so I am happy using my non joint account one.

    M x

  3. Reminds me of the days long before Chip & PIN when I’d always pay for my girlie purchases in cash to avoid the assistant seeing my name, just in case she knew someone I knew and told them of my furtive activity! I reckon shops don’t give cards a second look nowadays unless something untoward pops up on their screen, like it’s been reported lost or stolen.
    And yes… 15 items…£256.50… Not much changes by the sounds of it. 😉

  4. Your post is soo worth reading! I always love your posts but I will br rereading your post over and over again, thank you soo much for writing it!

    • Thank you… and please feel free to reread and reread to your heart’s content…. as my viewing figures will get just a bit closer to Kirsty’s high figures!!☺

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