An admirer returns, an alarming shopping trip… and my daughter’s BF knows about me being a woman

Wednesday 14th Jan was a fairly typical Wednesday – shopping + coffee-with-Kirsty + support group – but there were elements of each activity that were a bit different:

  • Having left work earlier than normal I had plenty of time to get ready, and a reasonable amount of time to shop. But I have done far too much clothes shopping recently, as my credit card bill will testify, and so I started off going to B&Q DIY store – a bulb has gone in my kitchen lighting, and so I needed a replacement. Once in the shop I stood in front of the bulbs wondering which ones to get, and because I am Little-Miss-Save-The-Planet I was contemplating energy-saving units… when a male assistant soon came up to me and asked if I needed any help; I am sure I was not offered help so readily before I shopped as my true female self. Anyway, I told him the issue and he seemed to give me some very useful advice, so I ended up buying a complete set of bulbs to avoid blowing the rest of them; I looked at wellington boots as well, as I fancied getting some girlie ones for the garden, but the ones at B&Q were very dreary so I just bought the bulbs. After paying I went to the exit… and the shop alarm started going off! Oh, how embarrassing! A girl came up to me and asked me to show her the receipt, which I did, and then she pointed to some sensors on the bulb packets that had set the alarm off.
  • Then I went to the nearby Sainsburys supermarket… and as I entered the shop, Wellieswith bulbs in my handbag, the bloomin’ shop alarm went off again! I looked absently at the security guard and he just waved me on, so I went into the toilets to check my hair (as it was very windy outside) and realised I had forgotten my hair brush. Quel disaster! I ran my fingers through it as best I could, but it really wasn’t ideal, and then exited the ladies… and set off the alarm again. I had a look at the clothes, looking for a smart woolly hat for going to work… and saw the most beautiful pair of welly boots! I won’t describe them in detail but simply show a picture, I think they’re the most beautiful wellies I have ever seen… complete with bows at the back!!! Of course, I just had to have them, especially as they were reduced to £8 (US$12) in their sale so, after picking up a handbag-sized hairbrush, I paid – of course, with only two items I could have just gone to self-service… but where’s the fun in that, so I paid at a checkout with a nice young polite lad and had a nice bit of chat with him. Then as I walked to the exit I said to the security guard “I’m sorry, I’m going to set the alarms off again!”
  • Then I popped over to the ladies toilets in Sprucefield and, once I was done and washed, went to check my make up… and was scared to death by best friend Kirsty who came in right behind me; I can’t remember what she said, but it made me jump for sure. After a quick trip into Boots I joined her for coffee.
  • Our coffee and catch-up-chat in Costa was very nice, as usual, and fairly uneventful… apart from some very confusing chat with a new girl behind the counter who seemed very eager to pack everything away some 10 minutes before they were due to close.
  • The support group visit was rather better than normal… mainly because 15 minutes after we arrived a girl I had never met before, along with her companion, departed to leave me with just my two friends Kirsty and Michelle, at which point relaxed and quality chat ensued, with some very good advice offered on some things I was pondering. During the conversation I received a message from one of my ‘admirers’ that I thought I had some time ago convinced that I was only looking for friendship. Well, I was obviously wrong!! Perhaps it has been a case of ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ or maybe I chatted too much to him one walk in early December but, well, I think he rather fancies me! I am NOT going to paste what he wrote, but he does seem to have a thing about me… and we will see how my girlie friend’s advice of simply ignoring him will go down!


This week I had a session with the HR lady who is managing my come-out-at-work strategy. We had a good long talk, and she asked me quite a few questions. She is going to tell people at work through several meetings rather than email, which would be a bit impersonal, and also fraught with the possibility of being forwarded. Anyway, some good ground was covered with her, and agreement reached as regards me using the female toilets… which I will do a month after going full-time, once people have had a bit of time to get used to me; until then, it will be the disabled toilets… which I have used all year, as I cannot bring myself to enter the male toilets – that would be completely wrong.


I had an email from my brother wishing me a good weekend… and, for the first time, he has made direct reference to something to do with my coming out. He wrote about the reactions of my daughter and my ex-, and it was nice to read.


This afternoon I texted my ex- to see if I should go round to talk about anything, including the possibility of ‘coming out’ to the mother of my daughter’s best friend (BF). The reply I got was uninformative, as is often the case, but I was to go round and take daughter and BF to get their dinner at a take-away; I was not sure whether daughter would come, there was also no response on BF’s mother. Anyway, I turned up, and was barely in the door when I was told by ex- that she had already told both my daughter’s BF and also her mother – their reactions had, obviously, been one of shock, the mother had apparently known that something was up, but not what it was. After a few minutes of chat my ex- went to get the girls who came downstairs with a bit of a commotion – for a moment I thought it was my daughter crying, but in they came with quite a bit of giggling going on… which after a while I figured was to do with me. The three of us got in the car, I engaged in a bit of chat with them, but they were a little bit quiet, then the BF said “this is a bit awkward” and I replied “I guess so, but I really am still ME, even if I will look quite different”, she said “I know”… and then they lightened up a bit. I dropped them at BF’s house for BF to pick up school uniform (it is school open day tomorrow), then I popped to a nearby shop to get cash for the takeaway, and returned to the house. BF’s mum answered the door, with baby son in arms, and she invited me in – I said “I gather you’ve been told the news…?”, she said yes, and then we just talked about it and she was fine, her chat was slightly at odds pronoun-wise when talking about Kelly Moloney… and yet, even though I hate the Big Brother show, I am thankful now that it exists and Kelly was on it, because it has made people more aware of TS people. We had some light-hearted chat, I told her about the walking group when she talked about me being more comfortable in life, and she laughed at my admirers. I gave her a little hug when it was time to go after she offered me best wishes, then we stopped at the take-away where the girls sorted themselves and my ex- out with food before I dropped them back at my ex-; daughter said ‘Bye’ in a cheery enough manner… and after that little trip I have a bit more hope that perhaps eventually my daughter will come around. I do hope so.


7 thoughts on “An admirer returns, an alarming shopping trip… and my daughter’s BF knows about me being a woman

  1. Your posts are always wonderful to read. It feels like i am having coffee/tea with my best friend and you are sharing your day with me, thank you.

  2. Having seen the coveted wellies in the flesh (so to speak) I hope you do not mind my saying the photo does not do them justice. In real life I thought they looked simply stunning and I must say very very Andrea.

    So your shopping turned out to be alarming!!

    Good progress regarding your HR lady.

    So maybe your brother is coming to terms with his new found sister. I hope to hear of you both continuing to have your holiday breaks together and that that is this year.

    I do not know what to say to you as yet re your daughter. On Wed at the support group it appeared she simply did not wish to see you, however she was with you today? Possibly her BF plus her BF’s mum knowing about you is a help esp as it appears on the surface that after a little awkwardness they are OK with you. DD may well come round quicker than you first imagined. Give her time and space (As you are already doing so) and who knows. And I still think you have a superb ally in your ex and possibly an unexpected friend.

    You should know by now that Kirsty & I will always provide quality conversation even when we raise the subject of music.

    Andrea this is such a lovely positive blog and I hope to continue reading more like this

    Michelle xo

  3. Lurve the wellies, Andrea! I just wish I could shrink my feet a couple of sizes to access mainstream footwear rather than have to rely on Evans or LTS, where such beauties are rare. And oh! the horror at realising your hairbrush is missing! It’s only happened to me once – consequently I now keep one in each bag, just in case.
    Nice to hear the progress with DD and friend. I suspect a bit of giggling and the occasional misgendering is inevitable… have you thought about what you’ll want her to call you now?
    On the whole, all good stuff and a lovely read!
    Ruth xo

  4. Lovely stuff Andrea, I think the developments with DD are significant. She might not be ready yet to have a serious talk with you about your gender identity, but at least she’s still willing to get in a car. I wonder how DD’s BF came to find out – did ex or DD tell her? At least DD isn’t burying her head in the sand and pretending that “Auntie Andrea” doesn’t exist. I think there’s cause for optimism there.

    Kirsty xo

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