About a month ago I firmly decided that 2nd January would be the day that I would tell my daughter and, shortly afterwards, my ex-wife about me, that I am actually a woman and will soon being living full-time as one… and that is exactly what has happened today. Everything went to scheduled, and MUCH better than expected! I did a lot of preparation with both of them on exactly what I wanted to say to them, refining it for days… and keeping myself awake hours and hours for the last few nights thinking about it.
At 3.30pm I walked into the sitting room/lounge, having pre-warned my daughter that we would have a serious chat about something, something about me, and a few minutes later, once I had persuaded hr to turn off the television (with a hmmph) I began – I firstly reassured her that I loved her immensely and always will, that I wanted to always be there for her as a parent to help with whatever she wanted, and apologised in advance for any shock or upset. Then I went on to talk about my unhappiness and medical appointments in very general terms, hints I have tried to drop into her life, and how long I have suffered from my medical condition… and then I told her it was Gender Dysphoria, and explained what it was, and that inside I feel female, at which point she became sniffly with a few tears. I said that I was glad I had been able to bring her into the world with her mum but that since then I have increasingly felt that inside I am really a woman, at end-January I would begin living as one. The timing was such that it was approximately the time to return her to my ex-, but allowed for her to ask any questions, which she did not.
Daughter packed her stuff up while I tried to ring ex- on mobile and work numbers but no luck, but just as we were heading out the door I rang again and got her, so I said I was dropping daughter to her a bit early at work, that she is a bit upset about some significant news I have told her – she asked what it was, but I said I will tell her when I see her, and to remain calm for everyone’s sake. The journey over was as talkative as it ever is (i.e. not very much these days, typical teenager), then she ran into her mum for a hug while I parked the car and waited. Then I was let in, she showed me to a quiet room, and I started talking; after a while she admitted she had a slight inkling as to what it might be as I carried on, partly because when things started to turn sour in our marriage comments were voiced by people to her wondering whether I was gay. As I started to give her version of pre-amble, including that I had told daughter how much I loved her, I soon found it difficult to hold back my tears… and my ex- came over and gave me a hug!!! Then I carried on, and told her what this is all about… and she said it was actually a relief to know, after the way our marriage went. Had another hug, then we talked about daughters school, and also she said about the problems she is having with daughter’s attitude and I said that we need to communicate more, which she agreed. I also told her about my walking group and that at least some don’t know I am TS as I had two guys come onto me, and she laughed hysterically at that!
I must have left about 45 minutes after arrived, and the relief, OH the relief, it is just enormous! I am totally wound up like a spring with the stress over these admissions today, but I am awash with joyful tears that there is no more secrets from anyone and that I can get on with living my life with nothing suppressed any longer. Well, I have another four weeks to work as male… but, frankly, that will be a breeze!
Happy New Year everyone; I hope yours starts as well as mine appears to have done.
P.S. thanks especially to my BF Kirsty, but also good friend Michelle, for their go-mature advice with my daughter!