My Mummy Still Loves Me! Even Though I’m TS!

Since my last update I have not actually done a lot while presenting as Andrea… but some progress has been made.

First of all, and most importantly, is my parents just at the moment. Last Sunday, their latest long email arrived, with more questions, some explanations for misunderstandings (mostly on their part), and some elaboration. I have a long reply in progress to them, but although it will take time I feel that progress is being made and that they want me in their life. That reply indicated that their feelings at the moment are mostly worry… but my Dad (who writes the emails) indicated that my Mum generally ends up in tears when she has to think about me. SOOOO… I thought I would order some flowers for her, I haven’t given her flowers for some time so I wondered if it would perk her up; I ordered them on-line on Tuesday and she received them on Thursday. Well, this Saturday morning, when I returned from home after picking up my daughter and getting my car serviced, there was a little card in the post… and it was from my lovely mummy!!! It said the following:

Thank you so much for the beautiful bunch of flowers. It was very kind of you.

I am so sorry for the way I have been feeling towards you recently.

I love you so much and I am still worried about you and {daughter’s name}, for both your futures.

I will try harder to adjust to the new you.

With all my love to you, Mum X

So, although she is finding it hard, which I fully anticipated, all is certainly not lost it seems!

This weekend I thought I would be able to have several hours as Andrea, but my daughter’s sleepover turned sour when she became sick, so I had to pick her up first thing this morning. Yes, I am disappointed that I will have no time this weekend to be the real me… but it is only five weeks until I tell my daughter about me, it really is not long to wait, and now I have told HR and my boss at work then some of that heavy, male weight that I carry around every day seems to have gone.

And, talking of my boss, yesterday he came to ask how I was, and he asked me a few things about my transition, which I appreciated.

Another reason why not presenting as Andrea this weekend is not quite so bad is because my poor face is still recovering from the torture of my latest laser session on Wednesday, when I did present as Andrea … and felt lovely, despite the obligatory hairy face. Yet again, I got Lynda to increase the setting everywhere a notch… and my poor chin ended up weeping, so I have putting antiseptic cream on it; it is also quite purple from the blasts.

Yesterday despite being at work, and therefore presenting as ‘him’, a couple of nice girlie things struck me. Firstly, for the last 5-6 weeks I have been starting to grow my hair and have now refused to cut it. For half my life it has never got to more than 20 millimetres, now some of my hair is nearly twice that and, for the first time yesterday, I felt the wind in it, and it absolutely filled me with joy. So, in a year’s time, it will hopefully be a lot longer and I may be able to go out as Andrea with my real hair – I am just SO looking forward to that. Also, late yesterday afternoon, I had to stay on late (yet again) to help with an IT release, and when it was done I had the best part of an hour to kill… and so I disappeared into the (disabled) toilet and filed my nails! I used to watch my mum file her nails and think what a tedious job it was… but now, oh no, it is something I really rather like, I find it therapeutic when the nails start taking shape and are lovely and curvy. Also, I remember watching women type on keyboards, especially on films, and wonder why their hands were up in the air when they typed… but it’s because with long nails there is a different way of typing, it feels a bit like playing the piano to me and it is really quite graceful.

So, I sit here in bed, typing away in only androgenous, but ladies, clothes (white boyfriend T-shirt, white knickers, and white ladies trainer socks), despite no opportunity to present as Andrea I am not too down… especially with womanhood (and girlie Christmas parties) fast approaching!

6 thoughts on “My Mummy Still Loves Me! Even Though I’m TS!

  1. The amount of compassion you two show for each other is beautiful. Even though she is still processing your transition, the fact she is considering your feelings along with her own discomfort makes me believe everything will work out wonderfully with time.

  2. Andrea, your mums lovely note really touched me. I genuinely had to wipe away a tear. What a wonderful thing to write. This is the reassurance you needed and it leaves me so happy to read this. You really have been so fortunate on your epic journey. Only one hurdle that really remains (Two if you count your first days at work), and that happens at the start of 2015. I really do hope and pray that all will be as smooth as that which has gone before. Your boss really does seem to be supportive and you had worried about him. You are a genuine inspiration to all who embark on a trans* journey of one form or another.

    • Thank you for your kind words. Yes, to a certain extent I have been fortunate… but in the same breath I consider that I have worried, agonised, but also thought and planned things an awful lot throughout this year, and despite the desire for things to happen immediately I have deliberately created foundations and done significant preparation for many stages on my journey. What I would say is that this journey has brought so many new opportunities and, most of all, people into my life, and that is what I consider I AM most fortunate to have.

      X

      • Absolutely, you have been both highly organised and determined throughout this journey. It simply has been amazing to witness. I know you have also had extreme levels of worry and stress at many stages along the way. You know you have people who genuinely care for you and are there to help or to simply listen at any time. You will not journey alone.

        x

  3. Aw, you’ve got me teary-eyed again reading that, Andrea! What a lovely note to receive, and how reassuring – not forgetting what a lovely gesture it was on your part to send flowers in the first place 🙂
    R xo

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