I told my HR department that I’m TS… and, to hell with it, then told my boss too!

Such is the nature of my journey towards becoming a woman full-time that, although the path is well-defined for me, the timing is somewhat unpredictable… and throughout this year things have consistently seemed to speed up as time has gone on, as my confidence has increased, and as I have settled into a total contended zone every time I present as me rather than male.

I intend to tell my daughter about me, her transsexual parent, this-coming January 2nd… whereas in March my plan had been to tell her in maybe four years time! With the January 2nd timeline now fixed in my head I had intended telling my HR department about being TS, and my intention to become full-time, the Monday after I had told my daughter…

…but how things keep speeding up, especially when one knows just how much one wants something. On Wednesday night I left work early, changed back to Andrea once home, and then went to Lisburn, stopping at the nearby Sprucefield shopping centre to go to the loo and then to Boots for make up. As usual, I met up with Kirsty and we had a lovely long chat over hot drinks and snacks. Also, as usual, back as Andrea I felt in a very happy place, and at my support group I caught myself in the mirror and was very satisfied with my appearance again. So the following morning (yesterday), back to the pretence of presenting as male I just decided that I HAD to tell HR that day about being a transsexual and of my intentions. But I needed to speak to someone I had previously dealt with and, considering the significance of my issue, I decided it should be someone senior, and this equated to a nice lady called Sandra. Unfortunately she was busy yesterday and thus the chat had to wait until this morning… which in a sense I am glad it did because it gave me an extra day to think about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it.

So this morning I went into work and at 10.50 I had an email from Sandra saying she had a few minutes and so I leapt off my seat and met her. I said this wasn’t something we could discuss at her desk (with other people in earshot), nor in a glass-fronted meeting room in my department, so we went to the ground floor and found a quiet meeting room to talk. Now that I have discovered the woman in me I don’t consider I am a blunt person any more and so, as has been my way to-date, I gave her an amount of pre-amble, starting with what a difficult year it has been, how my boss knows about my “issue” at a high-level but not what it is, and how long I have known that there was something different about me… and then I told her about my gender dysphoria, what that means, that I am a TS woman, and that by the end of January I intend to live full-time as Andrea. She was a very patient and good listener and, once I was done and tears had spilled over, she asked what I wanted from HR, and so I outlined a few things, including how the coming out should be communicated. She concluded by saying that HR would do everything to support and assist me. I parted from her after half an hour feeling elated, and joyfully tearful, relieved that my coming out conversation had gone well. I had not planned anything else that day in this respect…

…but such is the nature of my journey (said she, sensing deja vu) that more was to come. In the afternoon about 3.30 I was discussing something with my boss and he commented that my face was a bit patchy (which is due to laser) and wondered if my shaver was faulty. I hesitated and then thought, to hell with it, the morning conversation went well so why not get it all over and done with by talking with him as well and then I don’t have to worry about it any more! So we went into a quiet room, I said to him that I had not intended to discuss this so soon with him, and then went through the same pre-amble, which was a bit more focussed on him as well, as he has known about the appointments (even though not what they were for), and I just felt it was time to completely open up and tell him everything and he would then understand what I have been going through… and that’s exactly what I did. I told him loads of things, about all my worries and anxieties, why this has kept me awake nights, coming out to my parents, how worried I still am over my daughter, timelines, future treatments, etc. I spent over an hour with him (with one or two interruptions with his wife ringing him… which I didn’t mind as she is due to give birth to a baby any day now), enlightened him on a few things, including the huge difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual, and he generally made all the right noises, he said he sees me as a person, he has no problem continuing to work with me, take me out to lunch, all the things we do already, and if that anyone has a problem with me then they aren’t worth anything. And then I showed him a picture of me!! He said I looked completely different – and I do – and that he couldn’t see me in the picture at all, but I said that at least now that at least he is someone who has a rough idea what I look like and won’t be totally shocked when I walk in the door the first day as Andrea. He offered me best wishes, and said to arrange a date next week for us to go to lunch and talk in a less formal atmosphere.

I am SO pleased at how today has gone; it could not have gone better… especially I did so much more than I had intended even yesterday. So I ONLY have to tell my daughter now… and then that is me full steam ahead! I am on top of the world! (And about to cry again!)

12 thoughts on “I told my HR department that I’m TS… and, to hell with it, then told my boss too!

  1. Just absolutely wonderfully happy for you. Everything really does seem to have gone just so well. Your boss does seem to be both understanding and sympathetic and I feel you should have no issues with him at all. I know just how worried you were about that step. I am keeping my fingers crossed and shall say a few prayers also that all will go well with your last big hurdle, your daughter. You are really so brave, an inspiration, simply a star.

  2. Hugshugshugshugs, Andrea 🙂 This is such wonderful news – I confess to being teary-eyed myself as I read and re-read this. So pleased you found the courage to take such a massive leap of faith that ended up exceeding your expectations. You’re truly and inspiration to us all, hun!
    Much love,
    Ruth xoxoxoxoxo

  3. Wow! I am so proud of you to grab onto your life and really go for it. I wish you all the best and if you need some help, just ask this old trans girl. It may take me some time to swim the Atlantic, but I will get there eventually. Happiness and love to you, Lisa.

  4. I’ve been thinking about this since you told me yesterday and I honestly haven’t known what to write here. I’m so happy for you that it went so well, slightly in awe that you would just do it like that, hopeful that if the day ever comes when it’s my turn things may go as well, apprehensive that the final and biggest confession will go as well as this one, and mostly lots of joy that my best friend is so close to being able to be her real self all the time. But where do I find the words for all that? I can only conclude that the English language is inadequate for a time such as this. So I’ll just say well done


    Kirsty xo

  5. I’m really happy for you Andrea, and how great your boss reacted to your coming out .. it kinda reminded me of my manager when I came out to him .. some people are just amazing, and I’m very happy for you my dear, and talking to HR, that’s really huge ..

    Best of luck on your beautiful journey ..

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