“As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters”

I was talking to my parents last night, just for a general chat which we do about every fortnight, and the phrase in the title is what my mum said to me. Unfortunately, it was not in response to learning that her offspring is now Andrea, because they don’t know about that… yet. They had tried to ring me on Wednesday, and I texted them back to say that I was out and that would ring them Friday… which I did. So my Dad said “Were you out with the walking group?” and I said, somewhat vaguely “No, something else; I’m out most Wednesdays” and so my mum, said “As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters”. I wonder if that is what she will say once they receive the letter from me telling them that I am a woman??? Anyway, I am going to use this phrase in my letter to them!

Wednesday I went out in the evening to have coffee with my BF Kirtsy, which was fab, as usual, and then onto my support group where we had some nice chat and laughter; Linda was there for a while (until leaving at around 10.00, saying farewell for two weeks as she is going on holiday to Germany to buy us some chocolates) and our friend Michelle too until we left. It was touch-and-go as to whether I had even gone out that night as I ripped myself to pieces with a new shaver – oh how I wish this facial hair would just stop growing!

Thursday I had an emotional conversation with my boss because for the third time in about as many weeks he asked me to work next weekend which I have already told him is not possible… and I think he FINALLY gets just how significant my “issue” is, that it is emotionally difficult every day at work, it is always on my mind and I worry every day, etc.

This weekend I thought there would sadly be no opportunity for me to enjoy life by being Andrea as my daughter is round the whole time… BUT as luck would have it she had a birthday party today (Saturday)… which at her age just means grouping up with friends at the local shopping centre. Anyway, won’t complain, it gave me the opportunity I wanted and I made best use of it, shaving before I dropped her off. Once I got home, I started making up my face and was getting on so well and fast… until I put my hair on and realised that having washed it there was a really annoying curl in the fringe, so that took AGES to sort out and ruined my timing!

Anyway, I finally left the house about 3.25 and went to my local outlet shopping centre. First of all I went into Next, had a browse, and picked up the same skirt I bought last weekend but in a UK8 this time. Also saw a lovely dress, which I probably don’t need, so bought the two items and returned the bigger-size skirt; the woman behind the till was nice and we chatted a wee bit. Then I walked all the way round the centre, popped into a couple of shops, then into Thorntons for my chocolate fix – picked up a couple of small boxes and was served by a really nice girl, and I had some nice chat with her too as I commented on all the delicious looking ice creams and how does she resist them. All good there, so drove a short distance to Tesco… where I got ‘made’ as I walked away from my car by a mother and a girl in their own car driving past – oh well, I know I can’t pass all the time, and I know what it is in my face that some people spot (mainly lack of cheek bones and consequent facial muscle, and sometimes the inevitable greyness beneath my foundation depending upon the light). Had a good wander around Banbridge along the main street, in several clothes shops, but alas I couldn’t find what I really wanted in the right size. Back at Tesco I first returned a pair of boots, and I had to wait while the till-girl got another pair to scan as mine had no label; while I was waiting, when the person next to me had been served a woman behind me said “Is this girl being served?”20141011_175408ed, pointing at me, and so I said I was and smiled – nice to be acknowledged as a female, and particularly a girl considering I am 48! Then I did a grocery shop, and also finally found the jacket in the right size to match my black work trousers; paid for the lot at a checkout, the girl was nice enough (even though my cold-laden voice was a bit poor), we had a bit of chat, and she laughed when she handed me some tokens and I said I was collecting them but had no idea how many I needed and for what.

So rushed home, unlocked the door, and as usual just LOVED my reflection in its glass; I know it’s hardly a perfect face, but I SO identify it as me; took a quick selfie (see right) and then unpacked the shopping… and wiped Andrea away, in the usual order. I picked my daughter and her BF up from the shops and took the BF home; as they parted I watched them hug in the rear-view mirror and it made me really melancholy, because it reminded me how I always hug Kirsty or Michelle when I meet them. On the way home I had this sad feeling that there was a layer missing now I was back in male mode… but I will be back soon enough… once I’ve sorted out my fringe!

9 thoughts on ““As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters”

  1. I always enjoy reading your posts! My heart goes out to you as I think of how your parents will respond to you being Andrea (I hope that they say that Andrea is such a lovely name). I am soo thrilled for you that you were able to be Andrea even for a little while your daughter is with you. Keep on keeping on Andrea you are soo valued.

  2. Looks like you had a good day out by and large. It has just dawned on me. Were you shopping in Banbridge whilst your daughter was shopping in Banbridge?? That could have been an interesting scenario had you both met. Or were you both in different towns?

  3. You really are little miss shopaholic aren’t you? Sounds like a fab day out, and all the better for being unexpected. Nice turn of phrase from your mum too, I hope she remembers it when the time comes.

  4. I think that phrase is true for 99.9% of parents, Andrea. My own have both departed this world, but I somehow know inside that they’d have been fine. I’d say be prepared for lots of questions, but remember that a parent’s love is unconditional.
    R xx

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