Relief…. and loss?

Alas my European holiday is at an end; here’s a final photo from this morning:


20140921_102144

Since I came out to my brother about Andrea, as the hours and then days have passed I have felt a deep sense of relief. Finally what I have hidden for so long from a close family member is now not a secret to him, and I don’t feel ashamed of anything I have told him. I have generally enjoyed the remainder of this holiday – I have hardly been able to present as Andrea (that would have been a big ask of brother) but my girly walk had been unrestrained, my voice while not full-on Andrea has been somewhat feminine, and I have generally felt at peace now that I have been honest and open with my brother.

I dropped him at the airport 3 hours ago as his flight was much earlier than mine. The weather deteriorated as we neared the airport and so I drove a few miles North and parked beside a quiet river to get away ftom people, seeking peace and solitude. I did not have the enthusiasm to do anything else. Why?

Now that brother is gone I feel a sense of loss… and perhaps he does too now. My loss? Well, it is wondering if I will ever see him again. I know I must give him time before he may even have questions for me, I can only hope my feeling of loss is only temporary and that in time he can accept me…..

 

4 thoughts on “Relief…. and loss?

  1. Of course both you and your brother will have a sense of loss, but as you rightly say there is nothing that you need be ashamed about. Yes you will see him again, I suspect he is simply still processing all this and in his own time will ask the questions you expect.

  2. Your writing truly touched my heart. The thing about courage is that it makes you vulnerable even as you display such wonderful courage. The thing about having a tender heart is that you feel soo deeply. You have both. Take care of you girl. The world needs brave tender hearts.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s