EAP at my employer stands for Employment Assistance Program, it is run be my healthcare provider to provide confidential advice service. As per a recent blog post, my EAP call in August resulted in a set of counselling sessions being set up, and the first was yesterday. I settled down with the lady easily enough, and a lot of her questions were background filling in to make her aware of my history, transition aims, achievements to-date, etc. I don’t think she has any experience with LGBT people (as she didn’t know what it stood for), so it was a slight learning exercise for her, but she asked some pertinent questions and has convinced me that the approach suggested by Michelle and Pamela at my support group is best, to come out to my brother first and try and get him on my side before progressing to parents and my few historic friends. At the end she asked ‘Do u take pictures of yourself?’ and I said now and again and I had a few on my tablet if she was interested, which she was. Well, I won’t tell u all that she said, I will come across as big-headed, but she seemed to sincerely come across as gobsmacked, in a very positive way! She said I had good taste in clothes, my makeup was good (particularly foundation, which I always wonder if it is too orange)… and she could ‘see why I had gained admirers’! Won’t say any more, but you can see why I got all tearful, hearing such positive comments I felt special. One thing that worried me though is that during the session she said ‘Irish people are ignorant and can be shameful of difference’.
In the evening was my laser hair removal therapy with the lovely Lynda. As usual, I had to go hairy, but after last time I didn’t mind so much and just to be otherwise fully girly felt lovely, like back at home again. I had a slight eek moment upon leaving my house though, at the junction at the top of the hill a car turned into the road right by me, I didn’t look at the guy in the car but goodness knows what he thought of me…. if he noticed. I was rather dejected by Lynda’ s comments about the lack of progress on my face, she expected more to have stopped growing. She still blasted it on the same setting though but the upper lip on one setting lower, fearing blistering… but when I got home an hour later there was hardly any soreness or redness and I think she played too safe. My chest (above bra level) and all of back were blasted at a high level though. There was a burning smell with most of the treatment, including face, which is something. Had a nice chat with her about a few things, so good to see her.
Tried on a few clothes at home from weekend purchases and, oh, it is SO annoying about size inconsistency!! I bought 3 size 10 tops from the same shop, one is too tight, one fits fine, and one is too big…. but has a tight neck with no button at the back and, as its white, is almost impossible to put on without getting foundation on the neckline.
Today my boss asked me how I was – as usual, I said ‘okay, I guess’ so we had a one-to-one chat, he asked what he could do to help so I told him (be supportive, give direction, don’t get mad if I forget things now and again, and be mindful of my requirement for time off for health appointments) and he took that all on board; he has generally done most of that already. He asked if I needed help from HR… so I told him about my EAP, though obviously not what it’s for. Anyway, he was nice enough, took it all on board. Like my daughter, I feel I am working on him…. and I will reach a point when I feel I have done as much as I can with both of them…. and then will finally be out as the real me! Fingers crossed…..