Oh, it’s been a long week… totally devoid of presenting as Andrea 😦
This is because of school summer hols, so my dear daughter (DD) is spending the week at my house and, since Tuesday night, my brother has been over, “babysitting” while I am at work. Thus I have a bit of a change of routine… and my life without Andrea, while not totally agonising, feels so lifeless and occasionally tearful, with the real me suppressed so much of the time. It feels really odd going home from work and not being able to change into any girly clothes until bedtime.
While it is nice to see my brother, who I love, I have to say it is also an annoyance… and this is purely because he refuses to give up a brotherly routine that has been there for years which is so not me now! It will sound ridiculous, but it involves adopting a jokey, formal-gent manner and calling the other “Sir”. Don’t even ask how it started, I have no recollection. But whenever I have seen him this year I have not partaken in it… but he just doesn’t seem to cotton on… and now, every time he ‘Sirs’ me it makes me inwardly cringe. I just have no idea how to cure him of it, well, apart from coming out!
Meanwhile, my DD is now regularly telling me off for sounding like a girl! I am, almost naturally, now talking softer, slightly higher, and injecting more tone… but it is not full on Andrea – it annoys her, but I am hoping she will gradually get used to it, or at least make oncoming total Andrea either less shocking or at least when it happens things will fall into place with her. It is quite fun when she tries to teach me how to ‘talk like a maaann’… and usually fails because I just can’t do it! Contrary to her annoyance over my voice, she has recently started calling me ‘Babydoll’! We have no idea what has brought this on!
There is a possibility DD may varnish one of my nails tonight! Here’s hoping! She is really into nail art so wanted to paint one of my brother’s nails, but he refused. My nails are extremely long, alas will have to trim them soon.
While in guy-mode, I do try and walk with a bit of a sway to my bum – just can’t keep Andrea totally in. It feels rather odd at this stage walking with a rucksack and swinging both arms, so if it is not too heavy I tend to put it over one shoulder, hold the strap with one hand and swing the free arm… and I feel so much more, well, right with myself.
I have never understood why people like salt and vinegar crisps (potato chips for our US viewers). Told u I was random!
During this Andrea-less week I have felt lifeless and deflated. What I do find though, if I do even a few seconds of Andrea voice practise, or I write in an email or post recalling an Andrea event I feel like I am sparkling inside and can get a bit tearful, in a joyous way – it is almost like the sun is peeking out from behind a cloud.