So, I suppose this post will indicate where my journey has reached to-date.
In the early days of this year my experiences were rather mixed, sometimes I would have a shed-load of negative reaction and sometimes I would have little. This weekend, at the start of June, saw a couple of small negative reactions over an otherwise lovely three-day weekend all as Andrea… until I had to let her slip her away. Here is the detail:
- Saturday I had just the LOVELIEST day! A total-Andrea day, at around 11.15 I left home and drove 40 minutes to a place called Castlewellan, stopped at a Nisa supermarket, served by a lovely girl. I then spent about three hours walking around Tullymore forest park, which was quite busy… and felt as free as a bird! (See photo of moi). It’s a lovely place. I ended up saying hello to quite a few fellow walkers, and only one woman gave a disinterested response. Then did a Tesco supermarket shop and had a good chat with the checkout girl. I don’t feel I had any negativity at all the whole time; did something just slightly different with my hair, maybe that helped…?Once home I mowed my lawns… and hurt my back. In the evening I was sitting watching TV, wearing nothing fancy…. and I just felt WONDERFUL. I don’t know how else to say it! I felt like this REALLY IS ME!!!! And the only thing remaining in life I want to achieve is to succeed in being this REAL ME…. ALL the time!!So, time to set myself another target – see my GP for gender clinic referral within four months.
- Sunday I didn’t need to go out during the day as I had a meal out to look forward to so I pottered around in the garden for hours… changing my top a number of times because the weather kept changing, first I was too cold, then too warm, etc. Also, left my make up on overnight as knew would not bother doing it all again until the afternoon before going out – it was lovely to get up, pop the rug on, and instantly see Andrea.Had a lovely meal out with Kirsty, lots of fab chat, and good food. There were little negatives at the end though – after leaving, a hard-looking yob muttered “F**k” as he passed us on the street, and at traffic lights shortly afterwards a car with music pumping out of it gave out some amusement as it sped off. Oh well, such is Belfast on a Sunday night….. but most people we passed gave no reaction.
- So, not to be defeated, spent my BH Monday morning leisurely getting ready and sorting some photos out, then headed out at midday. Went to local shopping outlet, returned clothes at Next and bought one cheap top after browsing, further on looked at an exhibition of Lego (inc tower bridge, eifel tower) and gave the girl contact details for a competition, then onto M&S where I bought a red cardy in two sizes. Onto Banbridge where I parked at Tesco and walked to the library where I spent 90 minutes surfing (including creating a flickr account for my holiday photos) then onto a local cafe for a panini (spoke to two girls there), then walked back to Tesco for a small trolley shop.
So, my Monday out was a total success, no negativity or stares at all (and I wore my new daisy day-dress with black tights and ballet pumps), and the five people I conversed with all treated me like a normal person, and in the shops I initiated chat with all of them…. and in fact in Tesco I think the person behind me could have got fed up because I was still chatting away after I had finished paying and all shopping in trolley. Rushed home as I had to reluctantly remove my Andrea presentation as I was picking up my daughter… and ‘reluctantly’ really isn’t a strong enough word, for the first time ever I had such DEEP sorrow at having to change back, as usual I started with removing peripheral clothing and nail polish… and by the time even that was done I was sniffling constantly, desperately trying to hold the tears back as I carried on. 😦